As he moved through missile ranges to get close enough to fire his 20 mm cannon, Hoser soon scored two gun kills. He completely outmaneuvered the F-15 pilots in round two, resulting in two additional gun kills
Announcing Joe “Hoser” Satrapa’s passing “after a Simple, Honest and Brave Life,” veteran F-14 Tomcat Radar Intercept Officer (RIO) David “Hey Joe” Parsons posted on Facebook on March 17, 2019, that Satrapa was a legendary figure in naval aviation.
No dissertation on modern section tactics or naval aviation in general, according to George Hall’s Top Gun – The Navy’s Fighter Weapons School could be deemed complete without a pair of Hoser stories. A few renowned gonzo maniacs bubbled to the surface in the micro-world of maybe 400 Tomcat pilots. Joe “Hoser” Satrapa, a young and utterly fearless F-8 pilot who frequently carried a good forty pounds of lethal ammo, leaning toward small automatic weapons and hand grenades, in case he was suddenly compelled to leave his aircraft and carry the battle directly to the small bad guys in the jungle, was already well-known in Vietnam.
In the air, Hoser preferred using guns; he piloted the four-gun Crusader in Southeast Asia, which many Navy pilots still consider to be the [deleted] machine of all time, and he had never been forced to exclusively use missiles like his Navy Phantom colleagues. Hoser was forced back into the front seat of the Tomcat as a RAG guns instructor after a series of talks that would put the NFL draft to shame. This came about as a result of personal appeals from the highest echelons of government, among them Secretary of the Navy John Lehman, a Reserve naval aviator.
Many active pilots and RIOs well remember Hoser’s delivery of manic harangues to fuzzy-cheeked newcomers from the RAG. In his patented Yosemite Sam voice he would whip the lads, and invariably himself, into a lethal frenzy: “Pull on the pole till the rivets pop and the RIO pukes! No kill like guns kill! A Lima up the tailpipe is too good for any Gomer! Close with the miserable Commie [deleted] and put a few rounds of twenty-twenty-mike-mike through his canopy! If he hits the silk, gun his ass while he swings!” Hoser would then pace the corridor, bumping into hapless petty officers, muttering oaths, and trying to re-align his internal INS.
Hoser also knew a thing or two about the element of surprise. During the much-maligned AIMVAL-ACEVAL fighter trials of a decade ago, Hoser was put in a 1v1 against a Navy Aggressor flying an F-5. As the two combatants sat side-by-side on the Nellis runway, awaiting tower clearance for a second takeoff, Hoser looked over at his opponent, reached his hand up over the control panel, and mimicked the cocking of machine guns in a World War I Spad. A thumbs-up came from the other cockpit- guns it would be, the proverbial knife fight in a phone booth, forget the missiles. Both jets blasted off.
In the area, the fighters set up twenty miles apart for a head-on intercept of underground control. Seven miles from the merge, with closure well over 1000 knots, Hoser called “Fox One” – Sparrow missile away, no chance of a miss. As they flashed past each other, the furious F-5 driver radioed, “What the hell was that all about?” “Sorry.” said Hoser, “lost my head. Let’s set it up again. Guns only, I promise.”
Remember Charlie Brown, Lucy, and the football? Again the two fighters streaked towards the pass, again at seven miles Hoser called “Fox One.” The Aggressor was apoplectic; he was also coming up on bingo fuel state, a common situation in the short-legged F-5.
Hoser was first back to the club bar, nursing an end-of-the-day cold one as the flushed Aggressor stomped in. “Hoser, what the hell happened to credibility?” fumed the F-5 jock. Said Hoser, with accompanying thumb gestures, “Credibility is DOWN, kill ratio is UP!” It’s a popular Top Gun story, and its moral isn’t lost on students or teachers. From 1v1 to forty-plane furball, expect anything. But never expect your enemy to be a sweet guy.”
According to Alvin Towley’s book Fly Navy: Discovering the Extraordinary People and Enduring Spirit of Naval Aviation, Hoser was scheduled to engage in two-versus-two combat with two U.S. Air Force (USAF) F-15 Eagles on another occasion. Hoser’s wingman encountered mechanical problems and was unable to fly while they were on the tarmac, but Hoser made the decision to fly anyway and take advantage of the situation. Hoser and his Tomcat NFO (a backseat Radar Intercept Officer, or RIO, as they were known in the F-14 community) took off. They began impersonating two airplanes on the radio. The F-15 Eagles, who expected two adversaries, became distracted as they searched for the “other” Navy jet on their radar screens. Hoser quickly bagged two gun kills, maneuvering through missile ranges until he was close enough to trigger his 20 mm cannon. In round two, he flat-outmaneuvered the air force pilots for two more gun kills. And as he always said, “There’s no kill like a guns kill.”
Lt. Commander Satrapa pretended to be a junior-grade lieutenant during the mission debrief, which was conducted over the phone, to further add insult to his opponents’ injury. The air force pilots believed a student pilot had beaten them up.
To read the entire account of Joe “Hoser” Satrapa’s famous F-15 kills, click here.
Photo by U.S. Navy